Pregnancy brain is a real thing. Combine that with already being a *bit* of a space cadet – boom – I feel like an idiot an even higher percentage of the day than usual. Here are a collection of pregnant things I’ve experienced thus far. They don’t really have to do all that much with my depleting stash of brain cells, just random stories or thoughts… so I can tell you & thus free up the precious remaining brain cells.
* Ordering a “Virgin Daiquiri” with a huge pregnant belly is hard to do with a straight face. Also, the word “Mocktail” is now on my list of words I could do without ever hearing again. I will admit, however, that both Virgin Daiquiris & Mocktails are delicious & their goofy names have not prevented me from ordering them every time I go out. Which is not very often. Which leads me to this thought: Other women’s reactions to seeing a pregnant lady out a bar are fascinating. The range is from “Hell, yeah! Party on with your bad belly!” to possibly the most judgmental look that has ever been shot my way.
* This happened during my second trimester: I found rockstar parking at the County Clerk’s office where I’m going to update my vehicle registration. At the top of the stairs by the entry doors is a stocky black guy with a gold grill in a white t-shirt smoking a cigarette. I see him, I want to avoid being in range of the cigarette exhale space so I’m waddling my pregnant self up to the door on the opposite side of the stairway. Him: “Hey, hey, you fixin’ to have a baby, right? You uh, got any tips on how to, you know, get pregnant?” …. So many thoughts… but the one that came out of my mouth was: “I think that’s something you should discuss with your doctor.” I did not slow my stride to find out his reaction to my sage wisdom, I had smelled more than enough cigarette.
* In the first trimester, I ate a banana & an egg every single day. And by “day” I mean usually in the middle of the night around 2am. So yes, in the middle of the night, I’ve cracked an egg into the garbage pail instead of into my bowl & then been totally confused as to why there was no egg in my bowl when I KNEW I just cracked one.
* Being the only woman on a construction job site is something I’m used to experiencing. Being the only woman on a construction job site AND being pregnant… interesting. Still staring at me, still stopping conversations when I come through with my tape measure, but just a different kind of stare – fewer smirky stares (if you’re a female, you know what smirky stare I’m talking about), more holy-crap-do-I-just-let-a-pregnant-lady-take-her-own-measurements stares.
* I’m a prenatal yoga drop-out. I really wanted to do it. I really like the instructor. I thought maybe I’d meet new mommy friends… Here’s the deal though: I’m incredibly bad at yoga not pregnant, and then every week I would weigh a little more and have new pregnancy symptoms happening, so instead of it getting easier it just stayed really hard. And turns out I’m not very good at making new friends in a yoga setting. But I did at least make it to ten classes total, and this failure will not stop me from trying it again postpartum with the “Baby & Me” classes. Because baby yoga?? Sounds adorable & I must know what it’s like.
* I’ve of course had some crazy pregnant lady melt-downs where I turn into a giant toddler with a larger vocabulary. Kinda proud of myself however because it has been far fewer than I would have predicted. The most ridiculous one was a day where I had worked, and I barely made it home before Brian. I was over-tired and hungry and nauseous all at the same time and asked Brian to help me cook dinner. He said sure of course he would and then proceeded to sit down on the couch and go through the mail. At which point I burst into uncontrollable tears, sat on the kitchen floor and wailed “Now! I want you to help me cook dinner right now! Why is the mail so important? Who even sends mail anymore?” Etc. You get the picture. Brian put down the mail & started washing vegetables. Pretty sure it scared the crap out of him.
* I’m writing this now because I gave up on getting comfortable enough to fall asleep and figured maybe typing this would tire me out to the point that I could fall asleep despite being uncomfortable. So I will try that now. My only fear is my newly freed brain cells will now start turning and I’ll end up right back at insomnia.